School support:
 What is social self-esteem?
This refers to the extent to which a pupil feels comfortable and secure in his or her emotional and social relationships. It draws upon the pupil’s sense of happiness; of ease with self and own identity; quality of peer relationships and friendships; their sense of being valued; of social centrality; and of their enjoyment of school.
Advice for the classroom:
(Much of the advice in this sheet is common sense, and reflects what we all know and try to do. It is listed here to help focus ideas – simply to act as possible prompts about ways we might be able to help.)
In the everyday interactions and arrangements of the classroom, try to guide the pupil into groupings and situations that are potentially positive.
Encourage the pupil to talk about social relationships and aspirations, and use classroom/teaching opportunities to support developments.
Help the pupil become involved in constructive experiences. Activities that encourage cooperation rather than competition are especially helpful in fostering self-esteem.
Encourage the pupil to remember that confident-looking people have bad moments too; and that just because you feel under-confident, it doesn’t mean other people can tell.
Encourage a wide range of different activities – sports, music, arts, etc.
School issues
Ensure that all the pupil’s teachers are aware of the situation, and any of the advice that seems appropriate.
Resources:
Deborah Plummer (2001) Helping Children to Build Self-esteem: A Photocopiable Activities Book (Kingsley).
Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer (1994) Positive Parenting: Raising Children with Self-esteem (Vermilion).
SpLD Resources, www.dyslexia.org.uk hosts a guide to the help available to parents of children with special needs – a useful compendium of information covering difficulties with reading and writing (dyslexia), numeracy (dyscalculia), handwriting (dyslexia), developmental coordination (dyspraxia), language impairment, autism and ‘attention deficit disorder’. Lists details of the national organisations that address a range of SEN needs, together with a list of books and pamphlets.
Useful websites:
www.cyberparent.com
www.kidsource.com
www.mentalhealth.org
www.nncc.org
www.vh.org/pediatric
Home support:
What is social self-esteem?
This refers to the extent to which a child feels comfortable and secure in their emotional and social relationships.
How will this affect my child?
Where social self-esteem is low, children see themselves as lacking friends; they do not enjoy the social pressures of school; they do not feel valued, or feel themselves to be at the centre of things, and important to others. Often, they may be unhappy children.
How can I help?
How can I help?
(Much of the advice in this sheet is common sense, and reflects what we all know and try to do. It is listed here to help focus ideas – simply to act as possible prompts about ways we might be able to help.)
Be spontaneous and affectionate with the child. Your love will go a long way to boost your child’s self-esteem. Give praise frequently and honestly, without overdoing it.
Encourage the child to ‘switch on’ good thoughts when feeling low. Emotions ‘attach’ themselves to memories, and you can quickly train yourself to feel good when you want. Encourage the child to think of three specially happy memories – of good times, a piece of music, a holiday souvenir, or a person’s face – use photos if it helps. The child should practise thinking about them and bringing them to mind, then call them up whenever needed.
Encourage the child to remember that confident-looking people have bad moments too; and that just because you feel under-confident, it doesn’t mean other people can tell.
Create a safe, nurturing home environment. A child who does not feel safe at his or her own home will suffer immensely from low self-esteem. A child who is exposed to parents who fight and argue repeatedly may become depressed and withdrawn. Always remember to protect and respect your child. Make your home a safe haven for your family.
Self-esteem is most likely to be fostered when children are themselves esteemed by the adults who are important to them. To esteem children means to treat them respectfully, ask their views and opinions, take their views and opinions seriously, and give them meaningful and realistic feedback.
Be a positive role model. If you are excessively harsh on yourself, pessimistic, or unrealistic about your abilities and limitations, your child may eventually mirror you. Nurture your own self-esteem, and the pupil will have a great role model.
Give your child love, attention, and affection.
Take interest in the child’s hobbies and opinions.
Be a good listener.
Give the child chances to try new things, especially if he/she shows an interest or talent in something, such as painting.
Set a good example. Show that your own self-esteem is important. Instead of complaining about your weight, say ‘I feel great when I exercise. I’m going to take a jog after dinner.’
Give choices. Children will not develop a sense of ownership and responsibility if other people always decide what they will do and when and how they will do it. Real choices, appropriate to children’s ages, also permit them to experiment, make mistakes, and learn in non-threatening situations.
Children remember positive statements we say to them. They store them up and "replay" these statements to themselves. Practise giving the pupil words of encouragement throughout each day.
Laugh with your children and encourage them to laugh at themselves. People who take themselves very seriously are undoubtedly decreasing their enjoyment in life. A good sense of humour and the ability to make light of life are important ingredients for increasing one’s overall enjoyment.
Let the child express emotions, even if you don’t understand them, or they don’t seem justified to you. Try never to belittle a child, never tell them that they’re overreacting.
Find out about positive parenting courses from the education offices or the library – they may tell you nothing new, but there may be some good ideas you could develop to encourage the child’s self-esteem.
Where can I find out more?
Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer (1994) Positive Parenting: Raising Children with Self-esteem (Vermilion).
SpLD Resources, www.dyslexia.org.uk hosts a guide to the help available to parents of children with special needs – a useful compendium of information covering difficulties with reading and writing (dyslexia), numeracy (dyscalculia), handwriting (dyslexia), developmental coordination (dyspraxia), language impairment, autism and ‘attention deficit disorder’. Lists details of the national organisations that address a range of SEN needs, together with a list of books and pamphlets.
Useful websites:
www.cyberparent.com
www.kidsource.com
www.mentalhealth.org
www.nncc.org
www.vh.org/pediatric
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