School support:
 What is educational self-esteem?
This refers to the extent to which a pupil feels comfortable and secure in the school environment. It draws upon the pupil’s sense of academic success; coping with competition and assessment; coping with being the classroom centre of attention; attitude to academic success; and enjoyment of school.
Advice for the classroom:
(Much of the advice in this sheet is common sense, and reflects what we all know and try to do. It is listed here to help focus ideas – simply to act as possible prompts about ways we might be able to help.)
Be specially generous with praise and cautious with criticism. Praise can be a natural motivator as long as the pupil feels the praise is genuine and deserved. It is important to let the pupil know why he/she is being praised rather than just to provide praise. In a behavioural reward system with extrinsic rewards such as stickers or points, the pupil can easily see why he/she is being praised. This can be an effective motivator, as long as the rewards are meaningful and appropriate.
Create situations where failure is unlikely by breaking down tasks into a series of easy steps and communicating them clearly and concisely. Look for every possible way to allow the pupil to experience classroom success.
Recognise and emphasise effort and improvement rather than waiting to praise completed tasks. Focus on the pupil’s assets and strengths and encourage self-appreciation and positive self-talk.
Make every effort not to compare a pupil with siblings or classmates. Focus on the countless assets rather than what the pupil does not have. De-emphasise competition. Accept the pupil for what he/she is rather than what you want him/her to be. Be supportive of his/her interests.
Watch what you say. Children are very sensitive to adults’ words. Remember to praise the pupil not only for a job well done, but also for effort. But be truthful. For example, if the pupil doesn’t make the soccer team, avoid saying something like ‘Well, next time you’ll work harder and make it.’ Instead, say something like ‘Well, you didn’t make the team, but I’m really proud of the effort you put into it.’ Reward effort and completion instead of outcome.
Encourage the pupil to remember that confident-looking people have bad moments too; and that just because you feel under-confident, it doesn’t mean other people can tell.
Help the pupil become involved in constructive experiences. Activities that encourage cooperation rather than competition are especially helpful in fostering self-esteem.
Encourage mistakes! Help the pupil realise that learning is about making mistakes, and learning from them.
Take care to never, on a regular basis, do for the pupil what he/she can do for him/herself.
Pair the pupil with a buddy who is likely to be helpful and supportive for independent work.
Arrange for the pupil to have some special responsibilities in the classroom – messages, organising books, etc.
Pair the pupil up with a younger child to teach them, help them or show them how to do things. Arrange for the pupil to give short talks or demonstrations about his/her special interests or hobbies.
School issues
Ensure that all of the pupil’s teachers are aware of the situation, and any of the advice that seems appropriate.
Resources:
Deborah Plummer (2001) Helping Children to Build Self-esteem: A Photocopiable Activities Book (Kingsley).
Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer (1994) Positive Parenting: Raising Children with Self-esteem (Vermilion).
Denis Lawrence (2nd edition 1996) Enhancing Self-esteem in the Classroom (Paul Chapman Publishing).
SpLD Resources, www.dyslexia.org.uk hosts a guide to the help available to parents of children with special needs – a useful compendium of information covering difficulties with reading and writing (dyslexia), numeracy (dyscalculia), handwriting (dyslexia), developmental coordination (dyspraxia), language impairment, autism and ‘attention deficit disorder’. Lists details of the national organisations that address a range of SEN needs, together with a list of books and pamphlets.
Useful websites:
www.cyberparent.com
www.kidsource.com
www.mentalhealth.org
www.nncc.org
www.vh.org/pediatric
Home support:
What is educational self-esteem?
This refers to the extent to which a child feels comfortable and secure at school.
How will this affect my child?
Where educational self-esteem is low, children see themselves as unsuccessful academically, as ‘stupid’ and ‘bad at….’ some or all schoolwork. They hate tests and assessments, and being called upon to answer in class; and often they find increasing reasons not to go to school, specially if, as well, their social self-esteem is not strong.
How can I help?
(Much of the advice in this sheet is common sense, and reflects what we all know and try to do. It is listed here to help focus ideas – simply to act as possible prompts about ways we might be able to help.)
Keep expectations realistic. Be careful not to base your expectations on your own unfulfilled wishes and values rather than the pupil’s wants and needs. Avoid using children to increase your own status. Help children to set realistic goals for themselves.
Take care to never, on a regular basis, do for the child what he/she can do for him/herself.
If homework is causing continuing tensions and difficulty, discuss it with the child’s teacher. Be careful that home does not become a place where the difficulties of school continue – it needs as well to be a place of respite and unconditional approval.
Watch what you say. Children are very sensitive to adults’ words. Remember to praise the pupil not only for a job well done, but also for effort. Reward effort and completion instead of outcome.
You can help the child develop and maintain healthy self-esteem by helping him/her cope with defeats, rather than emphasising constant successes and triumphs. During times of disappointment or crisis, the child’s self-esteem can be strengthened when you let him/her know that your love and support remain unchanged. A child’s sense of self-worth and self-confidence is not likely to deepen when adults deny that life has its ups and downs.
Encourage a wide range of different activities – sports, music, arts, etc. Not only will the child be learning a new skill but he/she’ll discover which activities he/she does like or doesn’t like. All children will find some that they are good at, not so good at and that they are terrible at. All have significant influence on the child, but again show your support and respect the child’s ideas.
Find out about positive parenting courses from the education offices or the library – they may tell you nothing new, but there may be some good ideas you could develop to encourage the pupil’s self-esteem.
Where can I find out more?
Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer (1994) Positive Parenting: Raising Children with Self-esteem (Vermilion).
Useful websites:
www.cyberparent.com
www.kidsource.com
www.mentalhealth.org
www.nncc.org
www.vh.org/pediatric
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